Tag Archives: Life

Uncategorized

People Drain Me

5 Comments

introvert

 

“People empty me.  I have to get away to refill.”-Charles Bukowski

 

Some people might not understand why I genuinely enjoy spending time by myself.  The best way I can explain it is that introverts gain energy by being alone.  When they are required to be in public or they venture out in the real world of their own accord, they know they’ll eventually become drained.  Speaking, interacting, and basically communicating with others takes a lot of mental and emotional energy out of us.  Also, there is an overabundance of stimuli that may overwork our brains.  Yes, we are observers, but we can only take in so much for so long before we have to recharge.

Extroverts are the opposite.  They gain strength from being around people.  They ‘level up’ when someone pays attention to them.  They enjoy being in crowds, at parties, and at malls.  This is their natural habitat. Introverts, in turn, enjoy being at home or in quiet spaces, such as libraries, book stores, or small coffee shops.

In a room full of people, there is a constant tug of war.  The extroverts are competing for everyone’s attention as if they are doing a tap dance routine on a stage.  The introverts are the audience, silently observing everything around them and maybe taking notes in their journal.  Some extroverts may not understand why the introverts sit down and won’t join in ‘dancing’ with them.  They might look at them strangely and eventually ostracize them because they think they are weird or different.  What they must realize is that there is no audience without introverts.  There is no one to listen to them and give them a few words of well thought out advice.  Both kinds of people must exist in order for meaningful conversation to take place.

But what happens when one extrovert begins conversing with a single introvert?  Then the real battle begins:  the battle of energy.  The extrovert will approach another person with a story, expecting the introvert to respond with his or her own.  The introvert might say a few words in response, but will leave the other person dissatisfied.  Extroverts need energy from other people to fill their ‘tanks’ up.  When the flow of words doesn’t come in their direction, they might resort to asking random, personal questions.  This is usually terrifying to the introvert.  They want to have plenty of time to ponder their answers, but are not given it.  With every question asked, some energy is stolen from his or her tank and is deposited into the extrovert’s.

Does this mean that we hate people?  No.  Does this mean that we’re wary of who we let into our personal bubble?  Yes.  We enjoy spending time with a few close friends that we can trust not to completely deplete our energy supply.  When meeting a new person, we may seem stand-offish, but don’t take offense.  We may not open up to you immediately, but if and when we do, it will be special and beautiful.  We are deep thinkers of few words, but when we do speak, listen closely.  We speak softly, but our words are full of wisdom.

 

This is funny but true:  ‘How to Care For An Introvert’

Einstein

Everybody is a Genius

3 Comments

genius

 

“Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

 

Every person has God-given talents.  You may not be able to dance, sing, or act well, but you have your own particular set of gifts.

Society places certain expectations on everyone, such as success, beauty, a strong relationship and a sizable bank account.  That can leave some of us feeling lack-luster as we may not currently possess a powerful job, model looks, a boyfriend or girlfriend (or husband/wife), or an overflowing abundance of cash.  It’s easy to point out the ways we don’t measure up instead of appreciating how unique and special we are.

When we compare ourselves to others, it seems like we aren’t good enough.  Some people are doctors, lawyers, and businessmen (or women).  Others are photogenic, popular, or great public speakers.  Some have long-time boyfriends or girlfriends, fiancés, or have already been married for years with a few kids.  When we judge ourselves related to others, we sell ourselves short.

Our parents may have their own plans for us that aren’t realistic.  They might want to live vicariously through us or just have dreams for us that we aren’t equipped to actualize.  Mulan struggles with this when she can’t be the girl her parents expect her to be.  She wants to bring honor to her family, but she is destined to be a heroine, not merely a desirable candidate for a matchmaker and future mate.

Instead of comparing ourselves to others or trying to fit into the mold created for us by society or by our parents, we should discover what talents we have hidden within us.  Using these abilities will be your gift to God and your gift to the world.  Don’t be a cookie-cutter version of someone else.  Be yourself, because there’s only one you.

Dreams, Voltaire

Stop Waiting and Start Living

2 Comments

tangledwhenwillmylifebegin

 

“We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.”-Voltaire

 

Everyone hates waiting whether it is in the checkout line, waiting for a package to come in the mail, or just waiting for the weekend to arrive.  We complain about stores that don’t hire enough cashiers and how we’ll never find our soul mate.  We hate waiting for our food to arrive in a restaurant and for the next chapter of our life to begin.

What we fail to realize is that we don’t have to wait for overall change.  Yes, waiting will always be a part our days, but that doesn’t mean we should sit on the sidelines our entire life.  Instead of expecting happiness and success to drop out of the sky, we should take an active role in pursuing them.

In ‘Tangled’, Rapunzel spent years staying inside her tower, because her mother (or who she thought was her mother) told her to.  She spent her days waiting around and doing activities to keep her from boredom instead of taking a risk and finding out what was in store for her outside.  She wondered when things would get better for her in ‘When Will My Life Begin’:

Just as Rapunzel trusted Mother Gothel, sometimes we trust others instead of heeding ourselves and what we know we should do.  Instead of following our dreams or doing what we’re called to do, we listen to the people around us that tell us to be realistic.  We confine ourselves to a predetermined form of life instead of thinking creatively about our aspirations.

We hate waiting, yet it is so easy for us to wait instead of taking action.  We expect things to happen on their own.  We look ahead to the future for an event or circumstance that we think will make us satisfied.  We should live more in the present, taking small steps that will help us achieve our goals.  Life is brief; a few breaths and then it is gone.  Life is what is happening while we are waiting for something better to come along, so appreciate today.

Dreams

Carpe Diem

2 Comments

 

Picture 108

 

“Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)”~Horace, a Roman poet

 

Many people are throwing around the word Yolo (you only live once) these days.  They might use it to describe why they are doing something exciting or to rationalize taking risks or making bad decisions.  The original Yolo was Carpe Diem or Seize the Day.  It means to take hold of every moment, to attempt to achieve great things daily, and to live each day intentionally

It is so easy to get caught up in the routine of life:  wake up, get ready, go to work, school, or church; eat, drink, and sleep.  We make lists and check them off.  We come home after a long day and veg in front of the computer or TV.  We go to bed and then we do it all over again the next day, but do we stop and analyze our life?  Do we think about what we are doing to make our life better for ourselves and those around us?  Do we make lofty goals and ponder the steps it will take to reach them?  Most of the time, we can answer no.  Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost our passion, our joy, and our courage.

“You’ve lost your muchness,” the Mad Hatter tells Alice in the film Alice in Wonderland (2010).  He’s trying to tell her that she’s become too fearful to kill the Jabberwocky.  It seems that she’s lost her gumption and her sense of adventure since she’d last been in Wonderland:

We too lose our will to overcome obstacles.  Maybe we’ve had too many bad days, or maybe we’ve merely decided to breeze through life.  It’s easy to cower in the background.  It’s easy to do as little as possible if we can get away with it.  It’s easy to get caught up in our routine and never challenge ourselves to be a better person.

It’s harder to think deeply about our problems and search for ways to solve them.  It’s difficult to try new things that we’ve never done before.  Routines were meant to be broken and lessons are waiting to be learned.  Therefore, we have to seize the day every day, because it will be worth it in the end.

Dreams, Movies, Robert Frost

Choosing a Different Path

4 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”~ Robert Frost.

 

This quote can mean many things to various people. To me, it means forging your own trail. Instead of following the crowd and being marked as status quo, it means choosing the unfamiliar in order to reap the rewards of learning life lessons. Anyone can excel at something if they put hard work into it. Many, if not most, people can go to college, get some sort of job, work every week, and earn money; but can everyone invent the latest gadget? Can everyone become an entrepreneur and start their own business? Can everyone become famous from their fabulous talent, good looks, or brilliant personality? “No,” we think, so we don’t try. Some of us would rather get a degree that will most likely land us a high-paying job that will, in turn, lead us to an early retirement. Ignoring our God-given talents and the whispers of heart telling us otherwise, we might end up choosing a life of pain-staking work and count the hours until we can go home for the weekend. Is this truly living or is it merely surviving?

In ‘The Matrix’, the main character Neo is given a life-altering choice by Morpheus. Consuming the blue pill would allow him go back and live in the reality he once knew. He would be comfortable and not know that he was missing out on the truth. The red pill would allow him to escape the fabricated world of the matrix and lead him into the real world. Things would start to get messy. He would have to train and learn new skills in order to get ready for future battles. The choice was that simple: go back to his easy former life or be brave and adventurous enough to see what he’s made of.

Our society is all about taking the easy route: fast food, online shopping, DVRs and honestly, anything else we could possibly need or want can be found on our smartphones. We get angry if we have to wait at a slow traffic light. We complain if the temperature isn’t too our liking at school or work. It’s no wonder that we don’t take the time to follow our passions in life when we’re mainly focused on our own sense of safety and comfort.

Those that are brave enough to create their own path, follow their dreams no matter the cost. They know that if they don’t try, they will never come true. They define success not in what looks good to others.  Instead, they relish in the fact that they’re doing exactly what they were made for. Instead of working at a job just for a paycheck, they may end up creating a job that fits them perfectly. They work hard at becoming a better version of themselves. They may make mistakes along the way, but each one is used as a learning experience. There are two roads: one leads to mediocrity and one leads to excellence.  It’s our choice today.

Tolstoy

Beauty is Not Always Goodness

2 Comments

“What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.”~Leo Tolstoy

As humans, we judge people by their appearance first and their behavior and virtue second.  It’s easy for us to want to size up a person based on their looks.  Our culture (at least in the U.S…let me know about other countries) has engrained into us that attractiveness is very important in becoming successful in love and life.  If a person is beautiful or handsome, we might assume that they are a good person.  This isn’t logical, because the face and body are merely a mask and vehicle that we inhabit and has nothing to do with the condition of our heart and soul.

Why do we do this in the first place?  As children, we are introduced to fairy tales and Disney movies.  The heroes and heroines are always good-looking.  Perhaps it is in childhood that we attribute beauty as a simultaneous feature with righteousness.  Rarely are we given a glimpse that an average-looking person can be the one to save the day or even just to be the one to perform small acts of kindness.

We are reminded of what’s really important in 1 Samuel 16:7b:  “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  When we look at someone, we focus on facial features, the body, and the clothes, when we should be thinking about getting to know the person on the inside.  Dismissing a person based on their unpleasant appearance is one of the worst things we could do.  How can we judge someone when we don’t even know their heart yet?  Also, all that time and money spent on looking better:  makeup, clothes, toiletries, haircuts, etc. should be less important than the time we spend on our inner self.  What God sees inside of us is infinitely more meaningful.

All of us have to retrain our brain to isolate a person’s level of attractiveness from their level of virtue.  We shouldn’t choose to befriend someone based on their appearance but rather based on their heart.  It’s easy for us to want to surround ourselves with good-looking people, but surrounding ourselves with uplifting, righteous people is more prudent.  We want to be encouraged and challenged by the people around us not belittled or led down a path of immorality.

The next time you look at another person, challenge yourself to look through God’s eyes.  Get to know their story before making snap judgments about their appearance.  I think if everyone began to change how they view each other, the world would be a more loving, welcoming place.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Love

Judging Makes Us Blind

3 Comments

“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”  These words, written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, helped me better understand what it means to judge.

We pass judgments on people every day.  We notice the color of their skin, the symmetry of their face, their clothing, their personality, and their behavior.  We automatically categorize people based on what we observe within minutes of knowing them.  This person is a goody-two shoes, a rebel, a freak, a geek, shallow or deep, smart or dumb, shy or outgoing, ugly or attractive.  This person is a gossip, a cheat, an adulterer, a liar, a non-church goer, a druggie, or a glutton.

Later, we look at ourselves in the mirror.  “I’m unique and special,” we think.  “I don’t fit into any of these categories; I’m whole.  Sure, I’ve made a few mistakes, but I think I’m a pretty good person.”  When we take a glimpse at our flaws, we rationalize them or simply ignore them.  It’s as if we take off our glasses and see our own sin with blurry eyes.  As soon as we turn to look at another person, we put on our glasses, and then look through a microscope to notice every fault of his or hers.  We criticize a person’s behavior and become blind to our own.

Judging other people distracts us from working on our own shortcomings.  In Luke 6:41, Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”  We don’t have any authority to point out another person’s wrongdoings when we’re not even working on remedying our own.  We can’t see clearly to determine what is right or wrong when we are blinded by our own rationalization that we are a decent person.  We forget that we’re all in need of God’s grace.

When we focus on how God has been merciful to us in the past; how He’s forgiven us of everything we’ve done wrong, we realize that everyone needs grace.  No one’s perfect and everyone has made mistakes whether they are considered tiny or huge, willful or misguided.  If we look at others with love and grace, being mindful of what God has done for us, we’ll open ourselves to others more quickly.  It will be easier for us to avoid writing someone off.  We’ll take the time to get to know all kinds of people and hopefully learn to love them just as God loves us:  unconditionally.

C.S. Lewis, Love

To Love is to be Vulnerable

6 Comments

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.”  C.S. Lewis said it well.  To love someone and to allow them to love you means displaying your true self to them without any facade. It means putting yourself on the chopping block.  It means giving your heart to someone and hoping they don’t smash it into a million pieces.  But what is life without love?  It is a lonely, hollow existence.

In the beginning, God created not only man, but a helper, woman; thus, the institution of marriage began.  From the early stages of our existence, we were meant to live together in a community.  The family was formed as Adam and Eve had children.  Then the population grew over time and with friendship, beyond the confines of the ‘forced’ love of family, a unique bond was formed.

All of these are versions of love.  Boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, family, and friends all know us better than mere acquaintances do.  They see us on our good days and bad days when we are happy, loving and kind or when we are grumpy, selfish and cruel.  They see it all whether we like it or not.  When we start hanging out with a new person, we may think, “What if they see too many flaws in me?  Will they reject me if they find out I’m messy?  What will they do if they discover I’m clumsy or have bad hair days?  What will they think of me if I say something stupid or make them angry?  Will they still love me then or will they no longer accept me and move on to someone more worthy?”

Sometimes it seems easier for me to keep to myself (I am an introvert after all), but I know that no one is meant to walk alone in this life. At times, I’d just rather not say anything than end up saying something stupid and appearing foolish to others.  I’d rather be alone than form new friendships, because they might discover something about me that they’re displeased with.  Frequently, I believe it’s easier to be single, because I don’t have to worry about sharing my life with someone and I don’t have to dread a possible heartbreak at the end of a relationship.

For awhile, I didn’t even want to start this blog, because I knew I would be writing on more personal topics than merely composing poetry and articles.  I’m making aspects of my life more accessible to readers that might not like what I have to say.  I’ve since realized that I have words to share that could possibly encourage others.  I have to share my story in the hopes of blessing someone even if it means some people may dislike what they read.

Being vulnerable means you are opening yourself up to possibly getting hurt in the future, but without the risk, there is no reward.  If I hadn’t opened myself up to people in college, I wouldn’t have the life-long friends that I have right now.  If I don’t continue to make friends where I live, I won’t have people nearby to lean on and I won’t hear the encouraging words that I need hear.  If I don’t take a chance on love, I probably won’t find a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  If you don’t share your life with others, you won’t get hurt, but you won’t reap any of the benefits either.  Love is hard, but it’s always worth the risk.